Ancestral Grief Ritual

Transforming Grief Into Gratitude

We live in a culture skewed to the expression of joy and enthusiasm and avoidant of grief and emotions considered “negative”. Grief is as natural a part of the human experience as are all our emotions - just as night is to daylight. Yet grief in our culture is often run underground, hidden behind shame and denial, left to fester in the further recesses of our psyche without the same loving attention and open sharing we offer to our more jubilant emotions.

Unexpressed grief, like all forms of energy, has to move. It searches for a way out of the box in which we have attempted to lock it. Grief needs to be seen and heard, given to dance and song. Our experiences of loss acknowledged as profound rites of passage in our lives. Grief is the continued conversation of love.

Loss is part of Life

As modern culture has moved further away from the cycles of the natural world we have learned to avoid the natural turning of the wheel of life. We push away the darkness with electric lights and screens, shield ourselves from winter with central heating and heated seats and shy away from our grief with endless entertainment or busy-ness. Indigenous cultures know all to well that night always falls, winter is inevitable and we all experience loss at some point.

Whether it be loss through the death of a loved one, the end of a signifiant relationship, transitioning out of a job, moving away from a beloved community or the growing awareness of the loss of species and precious ecosystems on our planet grief finds each of us in time. Our personal grief can also be a manifestation of ancestral trauma or unresolved loss that has move down though our lineage continuing to look for release and healing. We all must apprentice ourselves to grief at some point.

Grief is to be Shared

We are not designed to experience our grief alone, however personal it might feel. Since the beginning of time humans have come together to share their grief and help move it though so it doesn’t get stuck in the body and psyche causing lingering sadness, physical pain and disease or disruptive behavior patterns passed down through generations. In indigenous cultures grief rituals are held for the health and wellbeing of the individuals and the community. It is our collective responsibility to hold each other through the most challenging times in life. Indigenous cultures have always known this. It is only in modern times that we have banished our grief and so we turn to cultures with intact rites and rituals for dealing with grief in community.

What is a Grief Ritual?

The Dagara tribe are from Burkina Faso deep in West Africa. One of their respected Elders and medicine men is Malidoma Somé whose first name means “friend of the enemy”. His purpose in life - ascribed to him before birth - is to help bring the teachings of his tribe to the modern world to reconnect us with our hearts. The Grief Ritual offered by Rites of Passage Council is an adaptation of a three day grief ritual traditional in his village. With Malidoma’s blessing we bring this offering to you.

During our time together we will deepen our connection to the natural world, gather and share the stories of grief from our lives and bring them together in ritual space for respect, honoring and release.

This indigenous African grief ritual offers a soul cleansing rite to release grief, lighten our soul and let our true spirit be heard, deepening our sense of balance and fulfillment. Our version is a closed container that brings people together for four days in a beautiful natural setting. Here we create our own village, build community and learn to lean in towards one another like a tree thirsty for water. We come together to create the ceremonial space of the village fire, an ancestor shrine and a grief portal to the other world. That evening, through drumming and song we grieve together as a village, as a people who share a common life experience.

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